Dear Big Brother,
My God, how could you do this? You’ve been sober for what? Fifteen years??? And now you’ve thrown that all away because of some rough times. You know what you do when you have rough times? ASK FOR HELP. Don’t go looking for it at the bottom of a bottle of booze, because it most definitely isn’t there.
You were gone from my life for so long, and you missed so much of my life, and I yours. But then you came back and I forgave you, I had already forgiven you. Just as I’ve already forgiven you for falling off the wagon now.
I’m not an alcoholic, so I don’t know what it’s like for you, but I’m sure that it must be excruciating to NOT drink, especially when times get hard. But goddammit, there are SO MANY people that love you. So many people that would be absolutely devastated if something happened to you.
My God, you were almost dead when you checked into the hospital with a blood sugar of 955, before anyone knew you had diabetes. But you FOUGHT and won. You changed your lifestyle so that you could LIVE.
So why don’t you want to live anymore? You may say you don’t want to die, but drinking is a sure fire way to get that done in a hurry, especially with your diabetes.
Do you REALLY want me to have to tell my sons, YOUR NEPHEWS, that their Uncle drank himself to death? That’s not the way I want them to learn about drug and alcohol education. Do you want your wife to have to tell all of your GRANDCHILDREN that you’re dead???
My dear brother, I cannot begin to know what you’re going through. But you have to know that there are so many people that love you and want you to fight this. The WORLD wants you to succeed. People who don’t even know you LOVE YOU and want you to stop this and get help.
Don’t believe me? I WILL SHOW YOU. I will show you the power of love, the power of community. Because goddammit I want my big brother back.
(Oh, and if you’re pissed about me putting this on the internet for everyone to read, that’s just too damn bad. I’m just trying to help. And this blog is anonymous, so no one knows who you are.)
I love you, Big Brother. Please come back to us.
My dear readers: Please, leave a comment for my brother. It’s the only thing I know to do for him. To show him as much love and compassion that I can. To show him that he’s not alone and that he is loved. Even by strangers. Thank you so much.
23 Comments
It’s not too late to go back to being that sober person you once were. Everyone is on your side ready to help. Even if you don’t think so, they are. I know you can do it. Be strong!
My grandfather and four of his sons suffered from alcoholism. Three are dead already because of alcohol. I miss and love them and all dearly. Just because you make a mistake doesn’t mean you have to live that mistake. Your sister loves you and needs you, and I’m sure she’s not the only one. Go to a meeting. Be well. I may just be a person on the internet, but I’m behind you!
You know who I am and if you only knew how my heart was breaking just now…
If you read this just look at those faces of you and your sister when you were little kids. You are still both those sweet little kids and your sister needs you – and your wife and your father and mother and grandkids and in-laws and everyone who loves you and calls you the honored name of either friend or family. Tears roll down my face as I write this – hoping you will realize how many people you are hurting, including yourself, and turn it around now! You are my friend and you are my family. Get to a meeting TODAY, check yourself into a facility TODAY. Life can be way-overwhelming, we all know, but you have a proven record of being able to do the hard work and come out on top. Do it again – please! I love you!
This isn’t much of a comment because I’m sick with a damn cold and not feeling up to much, but I had to say something here:
You drink for a reason. Find out why; reach deep in yourself to figure it out. Then talk about it. With someone. ANYONE. People do care. And they’ll listen if you’ll just talk.
You owe it to your wife, children, and every family member whose life you’ve touched, for good or bad.
You owe it to yourself.
It makes my heart hurt that your brother is struggling and he believes that the only answer is alcohol. If you are reading this comment, please know that everyone goes through rough patches and as bad as things might seem right now, I promise you things will get better. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
Your family and friends love you and need you to be a part of their lives. Years ago, you fought for your life…and to be a part of your family’s life. They love you and need you, and you love them and need them. You can fight again. Make the choice to be sober…make the choice for your life.
Dear Brother-in-law,
I can’t say anything better than what all of these kind people have already said, but I want you to know that I am thinking about you and your family.
My family has gone through a lot as my brother struggled, and continues to struggle, with alcoholism and depression. I understand your pain and it is a steep mountain that you must climb. It never seems fair that some should be saddled with such challenges. But the fact that you have dug yourself out of this hole before is a testament to your strength.
My hope for you is that you find that strength once again and go back to those who love you as the wonderful person that you are. We are here to support you.
God Bless You.
As I have told you many times “Love is the answer to everything”. Open your heart and feel the loves that surrounds you. We all love you so very much and know that you can get past this. Mom
To Suzy’s Big Brother – please know that you matter, to your family, to your friends, and even though we haven’t met, to me. There is nothing I love more than a comeback story and since you’re related to Suzy, I know you’ve got a great comeback story in you. Put yesterday behind you, make plans today, and begin fresh tomorrow. Tomorrow is your clean slate, you can start new, be everything you want to be. Yes, it’s a long, uphill road, but taking slow, tiny steps each day, will lead you to where you need to be. Just think, this time next week, you can see that those tiny steps led you away from your darkest place. This time next month, you’ll be able to catch your breath. In six months, you’ll be amazed at how far you’ve come. This time next year, that dark place will be so far behind you, you won’t even be able to see it. Take those steps – I’m looking forward to the happy ending of your comeback story.
You are a brave, bold, beautiful big sister who clearly loves her brother. I hope your family can find peace and comfort as you go through this difficult time. xoxo
First thank you Suzy for posting this blog and thank you to all of the wonderful post!
Big bother you are my husband and I want him back. I Love the man I married with all of my heart! But this is not him!! I want more than anything for you to be willing to get the help you need, and please know that all of your family is behind you whatever it takes!!
You can do anything you set your mind to! You have already proven that time and time again. You are a very special person and I love you!!!!! I WANT MY HUSBAND BACK!!!!!
I don’t know you as well as the other people posting here, but I love my friend, who happens to be someone who loves you with all her heart, and her heart is breaking, because you are not well. You two share a love that people only dream of having. Please don’t throw it away. She does not deserve to suffer and all she wants is YOU to be healthy and with her. I don’t know what all is going on in your life or in your mind, but I do know you are not the first one that has suffered hardship. You can either let it beat you like you seem to be doing now, or show the world that it takes more than a little adversity to keep a GOOD MAN down. You’ve beat drinking before, you’ve beat diabetes, its time for another victory. Please please please make the smart choice, accept the love and support of your family and friends and let them help you. If you don’t know where to start, pray…God will help you right where you are, you make the choice, He’ll help you make the change.
No one can really understand how you feel. Even the people who go through the same addiction issues. Your experience is unique and no one will ever really be able to put themselves completely in your shoes.
But.
You obviously have many people in your life who know you. The real you. And they love you and want you to live. And that’s something to live for. REALLY live for. Those people. That love. That life that you deserve. You do deserve it – just as much as they deserve you. Sober and healthy. And alive. And entirely unique. You can’t be replaced. So fight for those people, that love and that life. It can’t be easy – but nothing that really matters is.
Much love to you – all of you.
I have a brother. He has a wife and a son and a daughter on the way. He has two big sisters who love him dearly and a parade of other relatives who do as well.
He also battles everyday, just like you. You fight, you win. There is no solace in a bottle, and you know it already.
I lost a brother. My parents lost a son. His wife and child lost a wonderful husband and father. Please don’t put your family through that kind of devastation. He didn’t have the power to change what happened to him but you do. You are so strong and so loved. Tap into that power of love and overcome this.
When you were the Best Man at our wedding you spoke wisely and lovingly of your family. Your family loves you too and we need you to come back to us. It has been a true joy having you back in our lives for the last fifteen years. You are strong, smart and generous–a rare triple combination. But generous doesn’t mean giving your retirement to a liquor store or drug dealer so you can throw your life away. Do the smart and strong thing and check yourself into a hospital.
Suzy and Big Brother, I’m sorry for what each of you is going through. Each of you has a very real, but very different, pain. Hard times can seem so difficult, so hopeless, but they’re not. But alcohol can make it hopeless and adds a horrible little layer of self-loathing. You can do it. You’ve done it before. It’s hard, but you can do it.
Dear Big Brother,
I struggle with that same demon (whew – first time I’ve admitted that). But what you have is an entire family and many friends that are ready to fight with you – don’t be afraid to ask them to! As Susy said above, you’ve already been forgiven so all that is left to do is get the help you need. I wish for you strength and courage.
First of all, thanks for coming to my “Mommychugging” post at Pajamas and Coffee so I could find your post here.
Which made me cry. My heart goes out to you and your family- as I mentioned in the post I was raised by an alcoholic. My brother has been in and out of rehab with major drugs and alcohol problems, so I wish I could take your post and send it to him. It is so brave of you to write it. Maybe I will find the courage to do something like this one day, and if I do, I will credit you.
I admire your courage, and I wish the very best for your brother.
I just want you to know that I LOVE YOU and you mean SO much to me and my kids!!! I could NEVER imagine what it would do to my babies (mainly Tyler) if something bad happened to you. PLEASE do what you have to do to get sober, so I can stop worrying about having to tell them they will never see you again. You did it once and I KNOW you can do it again, but this time instead of 14 or 15 years, lets go for a LIFETIME!!!! I Love you like a Dad, and I do NOT want to lose you!!!
My grandmother had diabetes and drank – it did not end prettily. I hope your brother will find his way back to those who love him. I’ve seen how impossible it can seem. x
I know it seems impossible, but you have a family who loves you and will give you all the support you need. Your sister has done something brave and now it’s your turn.
Having been on the wagon so long I am sure it is just a swift kick in the pants to get you back on! And I hope you do.
Sounds like you are very loved. And that is a GOOD thing to be appreciated.
Fight the fight and make it to the other side, and LIVE!
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